I hate it.. I just hate the way you have to pop-up in my mind the moment I think I'm finally over you.. I hate that it's always at night and that I can't sleep well because of it.. I hate that I can't have fun the way I used to, to deny myself of certain sounds, places and images, because of fear of calling your memory back.

It's not only your memory that returns.. it's the hatred upon myself, I hate myself because I didn't want to see the obvious... you were cheating on me all along, all the signs were there, emotionally and physically... for a lot of time. It's absurd that I can't forgive myself for something that it wasn't even my fault... those where your words.... my fault was to not choose wisely... to have chosen you... I'll never forgive my lack of judgement.

The funny thing is that I'll never know for sure if it really was lack of judgement. I do not know what will happen between us.. will we never speak again, will we find ourselves in a different time, place or dimension, will the part in my being that hates/loves you dissappear, will there still be a part in me that'll take you back if you ask for it.... will you ever set me free??

Will I always be a coward???

It's been almost 2 years... and I would take you back again...

It's not logical